While I am far from successful, still being young and having far longer to go in the race of life, I have noticed that there are a few things people greatly prize, or idealize, that many people do not have. Those who’ve read my posts about power and influence, particularly the one where I think those in power resemble vampires, will know that I think reaching high temporal status comes with great responsibility and reduces freedom of action. I don’t think it’s impossible to live a good life as a vampire lord, however – if you like being a vampire lord! Whether by accident of nature or nurture, some people just like that (I am not one of them).
A Genuine Smile
This is not the smile you make for the cameras or the smile you put on when other people are around – no, this is a smile that rises unbidden from the depths of your mind in your most private moments. A thin smile reminiscing a good time while lying in bed trying to sleep (as I was before getting up to write this), or a mischievous grin while hatching a new plan for the future (like I had before deciding to get up and write this piece, trying to decide what my three goalposts that start with the letter G would be.
As you can see, I enjoy absurdly assiduous alliterative ambushes that adversely affect appearance and attentiveness.
Still, a genuine smile is hard to come by. In my experience, they are most commonly had when one is free to express and feel their emotions, whether in confidence with loved ones or with the rest of the world – when one is honest and true to oneself, aligned in word and deed, and can express one’s true feelings. That lack of emotional incontinence and range of emotions allows one to smile, unburdened by keeping up appearances.
The best way I have found is to simply be.
A Good Night’s Sleep[1]
Easier to explain than a genuine smile is a good night’s sleep. A good night’s sleep involves a number of hours of uninterrupted sleep sufficient to suppress sleepiness, with perhaps a midday nap spliced in for refreshment. A good night’s sleep – really, having enough sleep in general – is a sign of self-discipline in one’s schedule, showing that one makes time for adequate rest and prepares for it by limiting caffeine consumption or screen time before bed, which can impair the quality of one’s slumber.
More generally, it shows the ability to manage stress and maintain boundaries, cordoning off the times of sleep from the rest of one’s life. Working within and maximizing what one can do within one’s limits allows them to schedule sleeping time and make themselves comfortable, which sets the stage for sufficient slumber. This applies not only in the tactical sense of getting all your work for the day done soon enough to have sleep, but in the strategic sense – setting life goals that fulfill one’s values.
Most importantly, I find, is that a good night’s sleep often relies on a hard day’s work. Pushing yourself closer to your goals, be that a happy family, financial reward, or just doing a good job, is the best way to get a good night’s sleep.
Feel the burn, burn the feeling.
A Bunch of Sour Gripes
We all have gripes and complaints about the way our lives are going, things we can do better, and new things to fight for. When one has recurring gripes that they can’t do anything about but still rage at anyway, or something annoying them that they just can’t let up on, I actually consider that a counterintuitive sign of a good life.
This will take some explaining, so bear with me.
In the previous two sections, I harp on about harmony between one’s principles and goals and one’s actions. Naturally, since you espouse some principles, there are others that you cannot subscribe to. As I have written previously, the principles that guide us are absolute and totalizing, imperfect generalizations for an immensely complex world. Naturally, this means there are things we do not like and cannot reconcile ourselves to like – things we will gripe about forever.
This is not a sign, in my opinion, of a needless hangup. It is a sign that one has principles that they are willing not only to espouse, but to stand in opposition to others for, and as harmony between words and deeds – values and actions – is a prerequisite of the previous two headings, it follows that principles are necessary to a happy life.
Yes, I am saying that conflict and gripes are necessary for a good life – a good fight, even. In fact, I think someone forgot to put it in the user manual that we need problems to solve, mountains to climb, objectives to achieve, and things to conquer.
If you can opine, complain, and explain, you’re not really in pain.
[1] A good day’s sleep works as well for those on the night shift, though I don’t usually like to go against the owner’s manual to the body.
Hello Argo, I think that I told you I like what you write. I also like your choices. I think your first two; an authentic, (genuine) smile, coming out of (I guess) a deep satisfaction with your life?
And then the value of sleep, which many try to avoid because there are not enough hours in the day. It's their belief that they must be deficient from where they "should be". I would have something to say about these two, but you did such a very good job in describing them.
One time I talked about the value of dialog. There is the possibility of another point of view. About your principles, you may want to defend them, or if they are deeply ingrained, nothing can shake them lose anyway.
So you have principles, but you also have objectives. Your objectives might be that others can (sort of) understand your point of view, and where it came from, and why it is of value, and for whom it is beneficial. (Maybe not to that particular listener.)
If you mount a full defense, I think that objective is "toast". So then (it's fun to experiment) how to be subtle, how to be able to spin some logic, entertain, seduce that other mind. Inspire with some insightful metaphors. That is really the meaning of communication isn't it, the art of conviction, persuasion. Don't give up the chance to work on that skill.
If you are only going to talk to those that already agree with you, what progress will the world of ideas make? First steps, don't villainize disagreement. And don't lose your cool.
thanks
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If these are your goals then you already are successful. Success is not an endgame. It's a state of mind. That may sound cliche but it keeps you grounded and present and those two things unlock more success than anything else.